Outside the Beltway

(do you really think conspiracies are plotted in Washington?)

Gentlemen, gentlemen! Order, please! We all know the goals. We've planned for the full two terms to accomplish them. Now, we must accelerate the time element in case we are not able to manipulate the President's reelection.

Carl: Prisons are already privatizing and making a good profit in the telemarketing and internet order-taking programs. Natually, we've acquired quite a database from these activities and parlaying the sale of credit information for sale to the identity-theft operation. Medicare is just a matter of the next step. The dumbing down of America is proceeding faster than expected with the "no child left behind" crap.

Alan: We're half-way there to privatizing Social Security. One of John's corporations is already geared up to take it over, complete with the full database of customers.

But we're nowhere close on privatizing tax collection! Carl?

Carl: We've captured the same database of Social Security numbers and even those illegals with phoney numbers. We've finalized the deal with the Russian Organization for staffing and enforcement. We'll do better than IRS ever dreamed of, even allowing for the Mob's skimming.

Are the credit card companies on board for automatic charging and collection of paychecks?

Carl: The tentative agreement is a 5% fee for them to collect. We save the expense of shipping out forms and instruction booklets. The taxpayers will initially be overjoyed that they don't have to figure their own taxes until they discover that they can no longer cheat on them.

Ah, the great middle class taxpayer.

Ken (by overseas satellite link): Big Business has a problem with the details of the program. How can we fiddle our books for tax loopholes? Our incentive for campaign donations will be wiped out.

Details, details. We'll get the US Chamber of Commerce to sell them. I'm sure that the tax attorney's society and the financial advisor lobby will work with the major CEO's and CFO's for rebates of some form. Depending, of course on their cooperation.

Alan: Excellent!

Carl: But, we can't pull off this by November 2004. There's a half a chance of losing both houses of Congress. We might be able to complete this project without the President, but without a Republican majority in both houses... no way.

John (via satellite from somewhere in Latin America): How about a couple of more Executive Orders? Play up the economic crisis instead of covering it up and obfuscating it as we have been.

Do you mean ditching Bush II? All: If the odds are bad by Summer... Then we have to concentrate on Congressional elections. That's tougher. Too many of them up for reelection.

John: I'm just noodling this, mind you, but what do you think about covering our bets?

How?

Carl: Very quiet deals with selected opponents.

All: WHAT!

John: It's easy. We already worked it with the health care bill. That was a good test. The deals would have to be top secret of course. It would help if we could pull out some of the FBI files on these guys.

Don't need to. We already have those files. Got 'em in the week after the Inaugeration.

John: Silly me. Can we work both sides?

Of course. In fact, it might work out better to dump this mess on a Democrat for four years. Nobody thought to blame the recessions following Reagan and Bush I on Republican economics. Let the Democrats clean up the fiscal mess like they have before.

Henry: Not a bad idea anyvay. Our var mit Iraq vill be a bigger problem for zem too.

All: "here's to compassionate conservatism" where the rich get richer and the middle class get poorer.


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