Buffy, The Vampire Killer

Here's a synopsis of the movie. If you missed it on Fox TV the other night, now you know what you missed.

Buffy and her friends are valley girls, duh, whose major challenge in life is to come up with a theme for the senior prom.

Along comes Donald Sutherland in fedora and trenchcoat to announce to Buffy that she is the "chosen one". Well, duh again.

Buffy resists the idea at first but then realizes that she does indeed have a talent for knocking off vampires and that vampires need knocking off since they are killing all her friends and threatening the ozone layer or something. So Buffy trains with Donald Sutherland for a couple of weeks and goes out hunting vampires at night.

Her previous training as a cheerleader helps her with the acrobatics required in fighting vampires. But she misses a bunch of cheerleading practices and her buds begin to desert her. She has lost her vacuity as it were. Above all, a valley girl must be vacuous. She doesn't even have time to help with the decorations for the senior prom. She starts dressing out of style, or whatever the valley girl equivalent of dweeb is. But she stakes a lot of vampires and kind of gets into it.

Along comes the main vampire, Rutger Hauer (great sexy villain), whose destiny is to seduce Buffy. He's mildly irritated that she resists his obvious charms and her own destiny. She has not read the script.

Everything comes to a head at the senior prom where the vampires attack and Rutger Hauer traps Buffy. Buffy evades him with the help of the latest Hollywood heartthrob whose name is still inconsequential to my generation. Senior prom decorations are trashed in the ensuing Big kung fu type fight between Buffy and Rutger Hauer. Buffy finally drives the stake into his heart and rides off into the moon-set on the back of heartthrob's motorcycle.

Duh, what did you expect?